An Autism Diagnosis
My intention is to write a new blog post at least once a month. Given that the last update was in December, I have been failing pretty badly at that. It is not because I haven’t had the resources, because I have. I even got a new computer back at the first of the year to make it easier to manage the website and send you the updates. It is not because I forgot or let time slip by without realizing how long it had been, because I have often thought about it and even started writing the update a few times. The reason it has not happened is because, days after sending our last update, my world got completely and utterly disoriented and forever changed. Even now I am still trying to find my footing and bearings. I haven’t really been comfortable with sharing the cause of the disruption, but have also felt like publishing an update that didn’t include it would be false because my world changing has completely shaped the tune of life for the whole family. I do apologize for leaving you all wondering what had happened to us, but hope that as you read what follows you will be able to understand why and forgive me.
At the end of December, I was diagnosed as Autistic. It used to be that people like me were said to have Aspergers, but as research changed the understanding of Autism and Aspergers as well as some other neurodivergent conditions, they were combined into what is now called the Autism Spectrum. In many ways the diagnosis has been a big “Aha!” moment that explained why some aspects and seasons of my life have been and were so hard. But, it has also been very disorienting, I feel like I am learning to walk all over again. A lot of things I assumed were normal I now realize are not, and it is a struggle to know which ones need to be embraced and leveraged and which ones need to be managed. Then once the decision has been made to embrace or manage, the process of figuring out how to do that begins. There is a fine line between letting Autism be a label and an excuse and letting it be a strength that I embrace and accept.
I am learning that part of accepting this reality is to be open about it, and ask for help when I encounter an area of weakness. That is why I am finally writing this now, because I have realized that other people can only define me by my Autism to the degree that I let it label me.
Now you know why you have not heard from us in a while, and what has been going on lately. It has been a bit overwhelming and consuming. I have been scared of what the reactions might be when this got out beyond the circle of our most closely held friendships.
In the coming weeks I will send out a few more emails to cover the time that has passed since December and now, but for now thank you for your continued prayers and support as I regain my stride following this diagnosis. The diagnosis has certainly been a bump in the road, but to quote a popular meme, “There is comfort in knowing (I am) a normal zebra and not a strange horse...It is impossible for a zebra to be happy and healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse.”
Pressing on to win the PRIZE,
Andrew
